“Are you excited to go to Buenos Aires?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that question in the two months I’ve been home waiting to leave for my semester abroad. The total must be in the hundreds by now. This is my final hour in the States before I board a plane and live for the next five months in Argentina: a country I’ve never been to before, with a language I’ve only spoken in the classroom and among my non-native-speaker friends. “Are you excited?” is a question I’ve come to loathe not only because I’ve heard it so often, but also because my honest answer is not one my askers are likely expecting or wanting. Truthfully, I’m not too excited. Nervous? Obnoxiously so. Worried? I’ve perfected it to an art form over the past couple months. Over-researched? Just give me a theme and I can give you a guidebook’s worth of information with a list of online and print citations the length of my arm.
The reason I’m so nervous about this is because it’s the first time I’ve had to travel and focus on school at the same time. Usually, I can do one or the other: focus on maneuvering the country, its culture, and various forms of public transport OR concentrate on doing my reading for class, writing papers, and studying for tests. I’ve never had to do both before and I’m daunted by the task. I’m afraid I’ll not be able to do both well. I’m unlike the majority of my generation in that I’m not a multitasker by any means. I can’t catch up on House Of Cards while I finish an economics problem set or make Spanish flash cards. Over these two months off I’ve had at home in Houston, Texas I tried to become a better multitasker and didn’t succeed as much as I’d hoped.
I enjoy single-mindedly focusing on something, as my tendency to research when I’m nervous shows. During my time in between life events (Georgetown and Buenos Aires) I read, researched (much to my family’s annoyance), exercised, saw movies, and visited friends. Though that may sound similar to multitasking, I assure you it was not. I also thought about this huge thing I was embarking on, and why I couldn’t honestly say I was excited. What was it that made me want to run for the hills just thinking about it? I came up with a lot of reasons that aren’t important anymore because what sums them all up is this: I wasn’t excited because I didn’t know what this semester abroad would be, how to handle it. A success? A failure? A laugh? A time to grow? A time to study in a different university? Finally I settled on a clean and simple answer that will help me through. This semester is an adventure. Once I’d reached this conclusion, my perspective changed. I thought of all the adventure books I’ve read, and the emotions that tend to accompany them. It’s true that excitement is one of those emotions, but so are anxiety and worry and fear and self-doubt. It’s all those things that make adventures worth it because as much as they temporarily make things look grim, they also teach the adventurer about herself and what she is capable of when she is able to overcome them.
So no, I’m not excited about studying abroad in Buenos Aires (well, maybe I’m a little exited…just a bit.). What I am is viewing it as an adventure; one that may be scary at times, and nerve-wracking, brain-twisty, and will undoubtedly be thrilling. Whatever I find there, I’m determined to make it brilliant because that’s what adventures are. They’re certainly not dull or able to occur if the adventurer stays in her room afraid. My flight is boarding and so I must sign off; the adventure is about to begin.
