“Aren’t you scared to go somewhere so far away all by yourself?”
This is a question I’ve heard before. The summer between graduating High School and coming to the Hill Top, my family, friends, and strangers at the groccery store asked me time and time again whether or not I was afraid to move to Washington, D.C. all by myself. “Are you sure you want to move to a city? There’s just so many people there.” My hometown boasts just under 10,000 occupants and miles of corn and soybean fields on the edges – and most of its occupants like it that way.
The answer two years ago was a resounding, “no.” I was bouncing with the excitement of a new adventure – I was getting out of my small Iowa town and going somewhere. Two years later, I’m faced with the same question, but the answer is a little different.
I can’t say that I’m not nervous to go abroad. I’m beyond excited to travel outside of the US for the first time in my life. I am a little nervous about the language difference – I speak French but there is a little voice in the back of my mind asking what the French Department they made a mistake with the language testing and you’re not ready? I remind myself that the classes are pass/fail – I’m there for the experience and to learn as much as I can. Knowing that I’ll be living with a host family comforts me. For the first time in my life I will have not one but three sisters. Surely one of them will have the patience to help me? Perhaps I can help them in some way?
Then the little voice in my head reminds me how hard French was for me during my first semester at Georgetown. By far my most difficult class, Intensive Intermediate French was a really difficult transition from a high school French program that didn’t require that I ever speak French to the 6 times a week schedule of an intensive language at Georgetown. I could read and write the language, but when it came time to say something, I was terrified – I am terrified.
However, what I believe is the real reason for my frazzled nerves is a little bit deeper imbedded in who I am than a fear of bumbling my words. I like to understand the whole process, the big picture, the entire system as it moves around me. I am afraid of feeling like I am only touching the surface of another language, another country, another culture. I want to be immersed and to walk and talk like a native. I know that this is an unrealistic desire, so I must prepare for a new experience and one that might make me a little uncomfortable. All I can do is pledge to be present during the full length of my stay and to relax into a new culture – even when I don’t understand everything.
Am I scared to go somewhere so far away all by myself? Yes, but I know I will be better for it.
