An Evening with Lubov’ Fedorovna

In the Russian language, there are quite a few words regarding food consumption. Of course, there are the usual words including: “to be hungry” (голоден), “to eat” (есть), “to cook” (готовить), and “to be full” (наесть). However, as I have recently discovered a seemingly infinite number of eating words that I never encountered prior to this trip.

For example, there is a specific form of “to eat” that is only used by small children and the elderly. This word, “кушить,” is also used as an imperative by my host mother as she fills (and refills) my plate at dinner. For quite a while I had issues with this word, considering that it is not in my dictionary and is generally considered slang.

Then, there is my personal favorite eating themed word, “кормить,” which, when I looked in a dictionary, turned out to mean “to feed like a prized turkey.” Perhaps this definition is a little extreme, but I think it applies to what my host mother does to me.

Now, considering the vast number of food related terms that exist in Russian, today I will be recounting a recent dinner I had with my host mom, Lubov’ Fedorovna. And so, without further ado or introduction, I begin…

I enter, having just spent a few hours with friends after class and reading Dostoyevski in the park.

Lubov’ Fedorovna (LF): Hello! Good evening Margaret! Are you hungry? You have been out in the cold all day. I will make you some special soup with mushrooms or you will catch a cold. And tea. You must try this new tea. It is very good for your health. You spend too much time outside. You are going to be sick.

Me: Good evening! Yes, I would love some dinner, but I am not that hungry. You don’t have to make anything special for me. Anything sounds fine. I will just change into my house clothes and I will be out for dinner. I can help with anything if you would like!

LF: No no no! I will make something special.

Some short comments. 1) All of this comes out of my host mom in one breath. Sometimes it is quite difficult to keep up with her. The constant stream of coddling is excessive at times, but I love her for it. 2) All Russians have interesting ideas on how one gets sick and how it should be treated. Drinking cold water will make you sick. Walking in socks will make you sick. Washing your hair in the morning will make you sick. However, washing your hair in the evening will also make you sick. All illnesses can be cured with honey and mustard. I think you get the point. 3) In Russia, you NEVER mix your outdoor and indoor clothes. When you are inside, you are in slippers and pjs. No exceptions. 4) You cannot say no to food. Ever.

LF: Dinner is ready. Come in and sit. You can watch the news and learn more about Russia. That is why you are here, yes? Here have some dinner. It is very tasty. Would you like more щи (cabbage soup)? Or beets? Some mayonnaise or sour cream for the soup?

This whole time I am given no time to respond, and various foods are being thrust into my face, from whole tomatoes to apples from her dacha to all sorts of pickled veggies. Everything is delicious, especially her seemingly never ending number of beet recipes. It is hard to say no to anything, except for the mayo which will cover all food items, unless I say no to it immediately. Lubov’ Fedorovna is an excellent cook, but, perhaps like all Russians, she has a heavy hand when it comes to mayo and sour cream.

Me: Thank you! Thank you! That all sounds tasty, but I am not all that hungry. This soups and some vegetables will be fine.

LF: No excuses. Eat! You must eat this all or your parents back home will think I am starving you. Are you trying to starve yourself?

Me: Of course not. Everything is delicious. And, sorry, what is on TV right now?

By this time, the news has finished and a new show Давай Поженимся! (Let’s Get Married) is now dominating the screen. I had been trying to figure it out, but with little success, I asked. 

LF: Oh this is a wonderful show. You will learn so much about Russian people. I watch it every night.

The screen currently shows a man and a woman. The woman is singing (see: shrieking) into a microphone, while the man is donning a bear costume.This and Пусть Говорять!, a kind of Russian Jerry Springer, frequent the screen during dinner in my apartment. I have to say that Lubov’ Fedorovna is quite correct. These two shows certainly show give an interesting perspective on Russian life.

LF: It is a dating show. The man is trying to impress her. See, she likes to make stuffed bears. They are on the table over there. And he said that he wanted his wife to be a singer. So, there she goes…. She is not very good though, yes? Turns to me and looks at me in the face. You have a sister who is 25? Why is she not married?

I have to say that I was a bit startled about the rapid conversation topic change.

Me: ….um. Well, she has a boyfriend, but it is not usual for people to get married so young in the US.

LF: She should get married or she will never be able to have children. How will your parents ever live without grandchildren? Oh, and would you like some tea and cookies? Chocolate? Dark or while or milk?

Me: Tea would be great! Thanks!

We finish watching the show, and Lubov’ finally, after much cajoling, lets me help wash dishes. Five hours later and I am getting ready to sleep. Then, there is knocking on my door. I am being told to come out and eat some melon. Right now. 

LF: You must have some of this melon! You can’t have it for breakfast. It will not make it to the morning. Too ripe.

Me: Okay! But, I have to go to sleep soon! Wow, this is so sweet!

And with that I went to sleep, belly full of probably the best melon I have ever eaten in my life. I hope I have fully portrayed an interesting evening in a Russian household. I don’t know if this is an average situation, but I have to say that I quite enjoyed it.